In general, Monday nights can be tough. The fun of the weekend behind you, the long week ahead. I'm usually thankful for work, but a little overwhelmed and if it snowed three feet of snow tonight and we had to use one of our snow days already, I really wouldn't mind. Oh Monday, why can't you be more like Friday.
I'm glad to be home tonight though. Watching some CW hanging out with the puppy. But then I thought, "Wait. Isn't this exactly what I was doing two years ago? The exact same thing? Is that bad?" It's amazing how the world has taught us to always push forward. Get ahead in life, work harder, just get over it and move on. If you work hard enough all your dreams will come true. But sometimes, we just get stuck. It's not usually all parts of our life. We don't really try to get stuck. But sometimes you just can't get by that one roadblock that's blocking your next step.
The strange thing is that it is different for everyone. Different timing, different roadblocks, different difficulties. Sometimes I think that I might be so focused on my own problems that I don't pay enough attention to those around me. Then at the same time I wonder why they don't seem to notice me either. Are we so caught up in our own mud that we forget to look around to see who is out there with us? Aren't we all in this together? Aren't we supposed to be supporting each other? So often though we are too busy to take the time. Too busy moving our own crap out of the way. Too busy to work together to make it through.
So while I may be stuck in CW, paper correcting land and longing for a different focus for my life, here I am. Even Payton and Lucas have moved away from Tree Hill and I'm still here, stuck. I know a better attitude would have me thankful for what I have and where I am and somedays I have that attitude. But Monday nights can be tough and while the TV is often my friend, if also reminds me that most people my age don't watch the CW, they have a different focus from 7 to 9 at night. But tonight, I'm stuck.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
One More Step...
So... I started guitar lessons...
I'm learning the notes, chords, finger positioning, the works. I've got a book titled "Beginning Guitar: for adults" and I'm ready to go. It's a weird feeling starting something like guitar lessons were you're an adult. I mean, the kid who has lessons before me is nine years old... nine! Mom's not hear to tell me to practice but I'm sticking to it and I call tell, with time, I might make it through the book.
I've always wanted to know how to play guitar. I played around with it for the better part of ten years. I learned some chords, tried to teach myself, but I never made it over the hump of actually knowing what I was doing. I never had the confidence to ask for help and with each year that passed, I felt a little too old to be starting lessons.
But somethings have changed this year. It's been a year of life changing experiences that have gone against the vision of what I thought my life would look like. I've lost some things and people that were very important to me and I've realized that the only things that I can control are my faith and the way I react in each situation I'm in. I grew tired of waiting for my life to work out and hoping that it is everything I dreamed it would be. I grew tired of disappointment, confusion and waiting.
So I made a decision. My first lesson I was clumsy, my figures hurt and Benjamin, my teacher, didn't have a book appropriate for my age level so he had to write out, by hand, what we were going to play. I had to cancel my second lesson because of the death of my grandma so by the third week I had hardly practiced, my figures still hurt but now I had a book! Things went well, I sucked, but progress is being made.
And really, that's the whole point, progress was being made. It doesn't have to happen overnight. It doesn't have to be completed or settled all at once. Little by little progress is being made. I'm up to learning the notes on the 5th string and while I'm clumsy and my fingers don't quite know where they are going yet, I'm better than I was last week and my fingers don't hurt as much.
It's about taking a step. One step, then another, then another, then another, until you're in a whole new place! It might not be what you had planned for, but it's where you are and probably where you're supposed to be. So use it, learn from it and take another step.
When I started guitar lessons, like anything new, I was nervous. But now, only a month later, I'm excited. Excited to be trying something I've always wanted to do. Excited to be good at it. Excited to have something to work for and earn.
But more than all for that, excited to take another step...
I'm learning the notes, chords, finger positioning, the works. I've got a book titled "Beginning Guitar: for adults" and I'm ready to go. It's a weird feeling starting something like guitar lessons were you're an adult. I mean, the kid who has lessons before me is nine years old... nine! Mom's not hear to tell me to practice but I'm sticking to it and I call tell, with time, I might make it through the book.
I've always wanted to know how to play guitar. I played around with it for the better part of ten years. I learned some chords, tried to teach myself, but I never made it over the hump of actually knowing what I was doing. I never had the confidence to ask for help and with each year that passed, I felt a little too old to be starting lessons.
But somethings have changed this year. It's been a year of life changing experiences that have gone against the vision of what I thought my life would look like. I've lost some things and people that were very important to me and I've realized that the only things that I can control are my faith and the way I react in each situation I'm in. I grew tired of waiting for my life to work out and hoping that it is everything I dreamed it would be. I grew tired of disappointment, confusion and waiting.
So I made a decision. My first lesson I was clumsy, my figures hurt and Benjamin, my teacher, didn't have a book appropriate for my age level so he had to write out, by hand, what we were going to play. I had to cancel my second lesson because of the death of my grandma so by the third week I had hardly practiced, my figures still hurt but now I had a book! Things went well, I sucked, but progress is being made.
And really, that's the whole point, progress was being made. It doesn't have to happen overnight. It doesn't have to be completed or settled all at once. Little by little progress is being made. I'm up to learning the notes on the 5th string and while I'm clumsy and my fingers don't quite know where they are going yet, I'm better than I was last week and my fingers don't hurt as much.
It's about taking a step. One step, then another, then another, then another, until you're in a whole new place! It might not be what you had planned for, but it's where you are and probably where you're supposed to be. So use it, learn from it and take another step.
When I started guitar lessons, like anything new, I was nervous. But now, only a month later, I'm excited. Excited to be trying something I've always wanted to do. Excited to be good at it. Excited to have something to work for and earn.
But more than all for that, excited to take another step...
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