Carrying on the Tradition...

  Every year the same thing happens on the third weekend of July.  Several community members try to sell their "junk" while several others search for "new treasures," kids race their big wheels down main street, others race each other for "fun" around town, crafters find incredible must have in Central Park, community members parade through town as well as a number of other traditional events.  It happens every year, Edgerton Tobacco Days!  The homecoming of homecomings.  A place where you can show up at Racetrack Park alone, knowing you will soon be surrounded by old high school friends who immediately offer you a hug and a beer.  Tradition, small-town style and I love it!  

 But this year has been a little different.  Instead of rummaging around town this morning, I was in a hospital bed.  Instead of catching up with friends at Racetrack tonight, I'll be on the couch, recovering.  I'm not usually one to really talk about issues like this, for fear that I will bring attention to myself, but today just might be different.  Not to bring attention to myself, but to bring attention to something that many couples have to live through every year, infertility and miscarriage.  

  Sam and I have just gone through our second miscarriage in the last five months after trying for two years to even get pregnant.  With the death of our second child today we are obviously grieving the physical loss but we are also grieving the loss of a dream.  While it is still up in the air as to whether Sam and I can procreate successfully, our dream had been to get married young and start a family young, have three kids (four if we have twins,) we wanted to have them be born during Sam's slow season at work so that he could take some time off and if possible have them relatively close in age so they will most definitely be life-long friends as well as siblings.  Looking back now on this dream, after all we've gone through, it looks as if I was trying to order our family out of an L.L. Bean catalog instead of giving birth to them.

  It is amazing how time and circumstance can change a dream.  While the dream we had may be some other's reality, the way we planned it isn't the way God has it laid out for us.  Coming to grips with that has probably been the hardest part.  In this age where we are able to answer any question we have within a few minutes online, having to wait and see, having faith and patience for God's timing is the hardest thing ever.  Everyday Sam and I have physically made that decision to move on and trust (well, some days I have chosen to move on and be pissed off.)  Either way, each day we take step, most days together.

  Today we took a leap however, as we said goodbye to the dream that was, in our minds, supposed to be a reality on February 10, 2010.  Now we are back to faith and patience, which I guess should never really go away.  We're focusing on new short-term goals as we again put the idea of growing our own family on hold for a few months at least.  So while the third weekend in July has always been about tradition, friend and family in Edgerton, WI, this year I hope to add faith and perseverance to this list.  Hopefully next year our new dreams will have come true and we can pass these traditions down to a new generation.